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Closed OOC Etiquette

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Kettle

Kettle

Lost Thing
Staff member
Moderation Office
On the margins of the Code of Conduct are these Expectations of Etiquette, which are more lofty goals to which this community aspires. The below article is separated from the Code of Conduct following discussion among Staff and the CoC Dev Team.

The purpose of this posting is to improve this document. Please give us your constructive criticism and helpful feedback! If you disagree with something, please rewrite an alternative! If you have a question, please ask! If there is an etiquette subject that is not present here that should appear, please suggest it!

Begin the Etiquette aspirations!

OOC ETIQUETTE​

These etiquette expectations are the standard to which this community aspires. These points are not citations, but reminders that all of us can and should continue to grow and improve the way we communicate with one another. The points herein are not subject to accountability action unless someone utilizes them in further violation of the Harassment citations in the Code of Conduct.

LANGUAGE​

We want to make Telath a game that feels welcoming and safe to everyone: all of us will remain aware of the words we use when referring to other people or situations. A term's appearance in pop culture or its usage in widespread colloquial language is not evidence that the term is free of hurtful connotations. Words can be hurtful, even when there is no malicious intent behind them. We are an international community; something that is inoffensive to you can be hurtful to someone else.
  1. Gender-neutral language. It is common in the English language to use words like dude, bro or guys to refer to a diverse group of people. However, we strive to use unambiguously gender neutral language.
    • Instead of “Hey guys,” say “Hey everyone” or ”Hey all”
    • Instead of “men and women” or "ladies and gentlemen", say “people”
    • Instead of “he or she”, say “they”
  2. Pronouns. On the Telath site, the gender of the player behind each character is not always known. If the player has not specified any pronouns, we always refer to them by their username or use the gender neutral they/them. Accidentally using the wrong pronoun happens sometimes; we're expected to edit posts/messages to correct ourselves, and to apologize when appropriate and move on. Telath is an inclusive space; all pronouns are welcome here, including multiple pronoun sets, neopronouns, or no pronouns at all.

  3. People-first and identity-first language. When referring to a person with a disability, 'people-first language' indicates that a person 'has' a disability, e.g. "person with autism." 'Identity-first language' identifies the disability as a trait of the person, e.g. "autistic person." Individuals and groups have differing preferences in reference to their own disability: we're expected to correct ourselves with respect to the affected person's preference. If a person has not specified a preference, we always use people-first language.

  4. Ableist language. Many ableist terms are commonly used in everyday life. While we understand that these words have colloquial acceptance, they carry real impacts in reinforcing the dehumanization and exclusion of disabled people.

    Examples of ableist language:
    • Casual use of words that perpetuate negative stereotypes about disabilities and low intelligence:
      • Avoid using "stupid, dumb, idiotic, insane, moron, crazy, foolish"; use instead: silly, funny, wild, unexpected, shocking, surprising
      • OK: "That dog has a silly bark", "Wow, that backflip was wild"
      • NOT OK: "That dog has a stupid bark", "Wow, that backflip was crazy"
    • Using disabilities and diseases outside of their relevant context:
      • The words 'blind', 'deaf', 'autistic', 'depressed', and other disability- or disease-related terms should be used only in relation to the disability or disease.
      • OK: "I'm tone-deaf and this song is boring to me", “My mother needs cancer treatment”, “I am autistic and find this hard to deal with” or "As a therapist, I treat a lot of people who have suicidal ideations."
      • NOT OK: "You're deaf if you don't like this song", “This meme is cancer", “That video gave me autism” or "This meta is making me suicidal."
    • We're all encouraged to reference this list of disability-related terms: List of disability-related terms with negative connotations

  5. Racial Slurs. We are a multicultural community and will not tolerate any ethnic slurs, however veiled they may be. We use this list as our guideline: List of ethnic slurs - Wikipedia
We all are encouraged to kindly correct others' honest mistakes in word usage. We all will make good faith attempts to learn and to improve language choices.

These language expectations do not apply to community members who choose to reclaim ableist or racial slurs that may otherwise be used against them, when referring to themselves. When in doubt, listen to the people most harmed by the situation and take care of them.

Communication​

Interpersonal conflict is inevitable. When it happens, we must strive to keep arguments focused on the subject of disagreement and to understand the other party’s point of view. Antagonistic communication makes us all defensive and distracts from the goal of understanding each other. This includes, but is not limited to:
  1. Ad hominem. This means attacking a person or group of people directly, rather than focusing on their actions or stated arguments.
    • Instead of, “You’re transphobic,” we say “That comment seems transphobic” or “That comment hurts trans people.”
  2. Tone policing. This means using someone else’s tone or emotions as part of the argument itself, i.e., “your argument isn’t valid unless you can express it calmly,” especially when the person is of a marginalized/less-privileged demographic.

  3. Concern trolling. This means denying responsibility for an opinion by claiming to speak on behalf of an imaginary third party.
    • Instead of, “Sure nonbinary-inclusive language is important, but most people don't want to avoid saying ‘ladies and gentlemen’,” we say “Suppose I personally don’t want to change my language. What would you tell me?”
    • We take ownership of our disagreements, or, if we are arguing on behalf of an absent party, we specify that we are taking their position. This means presenting a clear disagreement rather than pretending to agree while describing a dissenting position.
    • If someone seems to be concern trolling, asking questions such as "Is this also a concern you share?" or "What are your thoughts on this issue?" can help identify the source of the disagreement.
  4. Assuming bad intent. This means accusing someone of deliberately undermining community trust, or intending to hurt people or cause drama, rather than attempting to understand their position.
    • Instead of, “This person is toxic, let’s ask Staff to ban them,” we say “This person is violating the Code of Conduct, let’s ask Staff to investigate their behavior.”
    • Instead of, "This person is cheating, let's tell everyone to avoid them," we say "This person appears to have done something dishonest, let's ask Staff to investigate."
    • Simply put, falsely accusing a person of bad intent is destructive. When in doubt, raise the issue to Staff for a check-in on an individual's intent.
We are all encouraged to de-escalate public arguments when we can do so without resorting to antagonistic communication of our own. If there is a safety issue, or if there may be a violation of the Code of Conduct, we should disengage from the discussion and bring it to Staff's attention for investigation.

Further Reading​


Changed the title from "Expectations of Etiquette" to "OOC Etiquette" for clarification
Moved "Foolish" to the ableist words not to use. Added a Further Reading section. Replaced the Pronouns point with Vaurien's rewrite.
Adopted a rewrite of the Ableist language section.
Replaced the Ableist Language section and added the people/identity-first language section. Here is the previous version of the Ableist Language section:

Ableist language. Many ableist terms are commonly used in everyday life. While we understand that these words have colloquial acceptance, they carry real impacts in reinforcing the dehumanization and exclusion of disabled people.

Examples of ableist language:
  • Casual use of words that perpetuate negative stereotypes about disabilities and low intelligence:
    • Avoid using "stupid, dumb, idiotic, moron, crazy, foolish"; use instead: silly, wild, unexpected, surprising
    • When not referring to explicitly lacking sight or hearing, avoid using 'blind' or 'deaf'; use instead: 'inattentive, ignorant, unaware'
    • OK: "I'm tone-deaf and this song is boring to me", "Wow, that backflip was wild", "You must have totally missed it"
    • NOT OK: "You're deaf if you don't like this song", "Wow, that backflip was crazy", "You must be blind, it was right in front of you"
  • Using disabilities and diseases outside of their relevant context:
    • OK: “My mother needs cancer treatment” or “I am autistic and find this hard to deal with” or "As a therapist, I treat a lot of suicidal people."
    • NOT OK: “This meme is cancer” or “That video gave me autism” or "The current meta is making me suicidal."
  • We're all encouraged to reference this list of disability-related terms: List of disability-related terms with negative connotations
Added a link to the Player Pronouns news post
 
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Wait, Stupid is out but Foolish is ok?

stupid has the same origin as Stupor and means “to be stunned”
whereas Foolish means to be “Empty-headed” or “Airhead”
if anything Foolish is the more insulting term.

I dont want to seem argumentative and understand that was an international site there are lots of different cultural perspectives to consider but when it comes to this level of ’Language guidelines’ then how is it judged? especially with terms like fool
 
Orbril said:
Wait, Stupid is out but Foolish is ok?

stupid has the same origin as Stupor and means “to be stunned”
whereas Foolish means to be “Empty-headed” or “Airhead”
if anything Foolish is the more insulting term.

I dont want to seem argumentative and understand that was an international site there are lots of different cultural perspectives to consider but when it comes to this level of ’Language guidelines’ then how is it judged? especially with terms like fool
Click to expand...

Thanks for pointing that out! What is your suggestion? How would you rewrite/edit things to be clearer? What would you add to the article regarding judgment, or lack thereof, that would help the community?

Edit, question to all: is Expectations of Etiquette an appropriate title? Some ideas:

  • Aspirations of Etiquette/Etiquette Aspirations
  • Standards of Etiquette/Etiquette Standards
  • just Etiquette
  • ??
 
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Here's my suggestion for the 'ableism' section:​

Ableist language. Many ableist terms are commonly used in everyday life. While we understand that these words have colloquial accpetance, they carry real impacts in reinforcing the dehumanization and exclusion of disabled people.

Examples of ableist language:
  • Casual use of words that perpetuate negative stereotypes about disabilities and low intelligence:
    • Avoid using "stupid, dumb, idiotic, moron, crazy"; use instead: silly, foolish, wild, unexpected, surprising
    • When not referring to explicitly lacking sight or hearing, avoid using 'blind' or 'deaf'; use instead: 'inattentive, ignorant, unaware'
    • OK: "I'm tone-deaf and this song is boring to me", "Wow, that backflip was wild", "You must have totally missed it"
    • NOT OK: "You're deaf if you don't like this song", "Wow, that backflip was crazy", "You must be blind, it was right in front of you"
  • Using disabilities and diseases outside of their relevant context:
    • OK: “My mother needs cancer treatment” or “I am autistic and find this hard to deal with” or "As a therapist, I treat a lot of suicidal people."
    • NOT OK: “This meme is cancer” or “That video gave me autism” or "The current meta is making me suicidal."
Click to expand...

This is a reference I've used to learn about ableist language; if others find it helpful, maybe we could include it with the Etiquette page? Offensive Ableist Language You Should Stop Using Right Now - Lucinda Thee

My understanding here is that it's about the context in which a word has been used throughout history, not specifically about etymology or dictionary definitions. 'Foolish' seems to come from 'fool/jester', as in an eccentric entertainer. 'Stupid' has a history of use to put down mentally disabled and people of low intelligence. This is why 'stupid' is considered ableist while 'foolish' generally is not. If I'm missing something here specifically about 'foolish' also having a history as an ableist term, we should move it from the 'use instead' to the 'avoid' column. I don't think it's practical to list out every single possible word here, but we should at least be accurate with the ones we use as examples.

And it's worth noting in this case, both of those terms are insulting! Whether or not one is more insulting than the other is a matter of personal taste; either way, deliberately insulting someone could constitute harassment (and since this is the etiquette document and not the Code of Conduct, the finer points of 'harassment' are probably not in scope here).
 
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My suggested edit for pronouns (especially as someone who gets misgendered frequently):

Pronouns. On the Telath site, the gender of the player behind each character is not always known. If the player has not specified any pronouns, we always refer to them by their username or use the gender neutral they/them. Accidentally using the wrong pronoun happens sometimes; we're expected to edit posts/messages to correct ourselves, and to apologize when appropriate and move on. Telath is an inclusive space; all pronouns are welcome here, including multiple pronoun sets, neopronouns, or no pronouns at all.
Click to expand...

The part on 'apologize when appropriate' is like, in the case that the person who was misgendered doesn't even notice it happening, there's no need to call attention to it. If it's the case of using the wrong pronoun and immediately remembering/noticing that it's wrong, just quietly editing a message to correct pronoun usage is better practice, in my opinion. Apologies are more appropriate if the person who was misgendered has to correct you, and even then, a brief 'sorry, thanks for the correction' is fine. We should also be willing to correct each other on behalf of someone who was misgendered; in that case, if the person in question isn't even present, something like 'oops thanks' is generally enough!

Mostly, just want to avoid people making a big deal about the 'apologizing' part :)
 
Foolish was also used to mean "insane" in the past. It's a complex word historically and got thrown around in the old asylums, used to describe all manner of ailments and treatments subsequently provided.
 
Kettle said:
When not referring to explicitly lacking sight or hearing, avoid using 'blind' or 'deaf'; use instead: 'inattentive, ignorant, unaware'
Click to expand...

Are there perhaps better words we can use to describe people who have blindness or deafness? Utilizing People First Language is always good, so rather than saying a person "is" blind or deaf, they can say, they "have" blindness or deafness. People first language describes those with disabilities by saying they "have" a disability, not that they "are" that disability. I feel it would be more appropriate than using words with negative connotations such as inattentive, ignorant, and unaware, by utilizing people first language to help describe those with disabilities. Because last thing you want to say is a person that has deafness is "ignorant", especially if they can read lips, and are not as "ignorant" as you might think. Here is a few links to some information on People First Language:


People First Language | odr

Usage Guidelines The People First Respectful Language Modernization Act of 2006 was enacted by the Council of the District of Columba on July 11, 2006 to “require the use of respectful language when referring to people with disabilities in all new and revised District laws, regulations, rules...
odr.dc.gov odr.dc.gov

en.wikipedia.org

People-first language - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org en.wikipedia.org

It really would be better utilizing this concept than calling a person who has blindness or deafness, "Ignorant, inattentive, or unaware" when they are probably not as ignorant, inattentive, or unaware as you might think given the negative connotations associated with those words.

EDIT: And just so you know this should be used with anyone who has a disability, not just people who have blindness or deafness.

Another thing I noticed is about this phrasing "As a therapist, I treat a lot of suicidal people.", most therapist would never say this, they would say something like, "As a therapist, I treat a lot of people who have suicidal ideations". That's a good example of using "People First Language"

EDIT: My apologies, I misread the line about people with blindness or deafness, didn't see the words "not explicitly" So just ignore that part of the commentary. But with Mental illness or diseases, people first language is preferrable.
 
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Bahamut said:
Utilizing People First Language is always good, so rather than saying a person "is" blind or deaf, they can say, they "have" blindness or deafness.
Click to expand...

I wanted to add that some communities actively choose identity-first language over people-first language. For the deaf/hard of hearing example specifically:

Most deaf people prefer identity-first language, not person-first, and they reject “hearing impaired” because many do not perceive an inability to hear as a deficit. (Deaf also should sometimes be capitalized.) — [source to a larger article on person-first vs. identity-first language]
Click to expand...

Large portions of the deaf community identify with Deaf culture (not everyone, of course — almost nothing in life is universal) and avoid framing deafness as a disability that they “have”.

I’m less familiar with whether the same applies to blindness and other examples, but I thought it might be a good nuance to call out here. It’s an ongoing discussion within communities that swings back and forth for decades!
 
Thanks for pointing these things out! Some of this wording and placement of certain contexts could definitely be corrected and clarified.

I've attempted a bit of an overhaul edit in this section. Because it's such a big difference I've posted it above under a PROPOSED REPLACEMENT spoiler. Please take a look at the proposal in the spoiler and let me know if it helps and/or how it can be further improved!
 
Two thumbs-up and an acceptance -- thanks! I've gone ahead and done the edit in the first post, and put the old version under an edit spoiler at the end if anyone still wants to put some of the old language back.
 
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